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I hooked up with someone at a bath house. It was my first time with a guy, my wife doesn't know.

I’m scared to have sex with her now.  What if I give her an STD, how would I explain it?  I wore a condom but I’m really worried.

 

There are a few things to consider in this situation: STI prevention, testing and communication.

In terms of prevention, there are effective options for you no matter who you are sexually active with.  Condoms are effective for preventing many STIs (sexually transmitted infections) during oral sex, penetrative sex or receptive sex.  Continuing to use condoms and lube with a casual partner and with your wife will help prevent exposure and transmission.

Another important consideration is STI testing.  The only way to know if you have an STI or not is to be tested.  In the time that you are waiting for an appointment or for your results, consider abstaining (not having sex) if possible, just to be sure that you don’t expose someone to an STI before you have the chance to treat it.  If you can’t abstain, use a condom and lube.

Lastly, have you thought about talking with your wife?  It sounds like there are a few points to discuss with her.  If you receive a positive STI test result, you’ll want to talk to her about getting tested.  It’s important that she has the chance to test for and treat any infection that she may have been exposed to.  The health effects of untreated STIs are serious.  If you test positive for an STI and are not able to talk to her about this, she may be contacted by Public Health about being tested.

You may also want to talk to her about your sex life and your feelings.  This is not easy, but are important conversations to have with your spouse.  Sometimes exploring your feelings with someone else first can help.  You may have a family or employee therapy program you can access, perhaps you have a trusted friend who would understand, or there is Klinic’s 24 hour crisis line at (204) 786-8686 or toll free: 1-888-322-3019.

In the end, we encourage you to have the sex life you want.  We also promote taking the steps necessary to protect yourself and your partner(s) from the health effects of sexually transmitted infections.